I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
FUCK WHALES
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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