he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
