the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
