My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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