just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
