girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
