Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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