Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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