She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
