I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
