please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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