I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
