Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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