you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
