There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
