after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
