yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
