i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
