Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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