A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
