you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
