I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
