I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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