forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
