ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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