I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
