my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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