from now on my penis is your penis
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
