You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!