Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.