do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?