Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.