Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
