My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
