trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
