Already got asked if we're dating
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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