I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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