Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
