he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
