Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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