do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
