we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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