i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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