Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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