so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
