Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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