I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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