I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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