I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
