A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
