That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
