you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
