the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
