I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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