I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
