Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
