shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
