we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
