I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
