why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
