My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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