whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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