Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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