we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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