Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this just has baby written all over it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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