Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
