I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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