summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
