Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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