You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
