Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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