Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
