After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
