Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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