So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
