The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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