woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Still dying that you shit outside
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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