My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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