i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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