Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just high enough for therapy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
