zippers are such a cool invention
it was like eating out sand paper
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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