I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
