some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
