i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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